Asshola's Big Adventure
by Wenchicus Thoticus
Summary: It has been two years since Asshole's fall from power, and one since her fadder's death. Now, claiming to be changed and humbled, Odin bestows upon her a mighty task that will test her in every way. Can she team up with the unlikeliest of partners to destroy this great new evil that has intruded upon her realm? Or will she fall back into her old ways, and back into defeat?
1. Cahpter Uno: tha iconick trio

AN: I recommend reading my other story "The Questizzle of Ozizzle" before starting on this. It's a prequel of sorts, and this fic will make slightly more sense given the background information that it provides.

roaring through the skie, was the most iconick trio of all tiem. three musket tears? fuk them. well-repected and very successfull progessive rok band Rush? fuk them too. and new trio was more powerfull than originall trio ov our mane hero!

Yes, was Azzhole, Donkiy, and Odin (tha onion)! Flieing high above the Erth Kindom, Azzhole balanced odin on her hed while shotting fier frum her hands. (she was very extra). of cours, usually, she did not shot fier frum her hands, but it was a special day! because 2day someune had tryed to kil her (and it was also her birthday of 16 tiems arund tha sun). nowadays, she led tha peacfull lyf, but! an agresive and mean man had tryed to kidnap her. so she burned him aliv. no biggie.

"donik" ashole is say. "who was that gy"

"i don't liek to think abut it"" doneik osted.

odin, say nothing. odin can no talk out loud. is an onion, but she is valued memeber of tha team (a powerfull earthbeaner.) donik is flieing, and of cours azul is tha fier princs. wel, she was. but it has ben two yers sinc then.

"donik tel me" azul comanded.

"it is…" donik held out 4 long tiem, to build sus-pence. " _A DETH DEALER"_

"donik" ashol skelded, very tired of doneik's bulshit. "shuld i kil evry1 ov his frends"

"chil with the genioside" doneik said,'leav it in past . let's find a gud place to spend tha nite. it is ur brithday! have happy"

"what is happy" azus. then Azulds thinks ov onion. "oh" odin is liek dotter 2 her. did not kno she was capable of such luv. feels familal luv with donik and ondin. to ozzizle (who kild himself with his own donger a yer ago) she felt only obliges.

 _wen will i find tha luv of romans,_ azul thinks. _mayb, mayb then i can b nomral agan._

 _YOU WERE NEVER NORMAL,_ voice ov odin booms in her hed. _YOU ARE DESTINED FOR GREAT THINGS._

"lets go 2 hous down there" assol digests. "is tha hous ov tha travels."

Is jesus's old hous. has bad memeores for azul and donik (becaus of Ozao and qest 2 taik over the world with fier penis.) but is now the hous for travelrs.

"i guess" donaik agres. strats to descend into tha forest towards tha hous. azul has ben shotting fier frum her hands whole tiem, now stops becaus does not wnat to burn down entire forest. has started 2 find iner peac n dos not wnat 2 kil everything al the tiem, only wen needs 2.

doneiy lands. azul taiks odin off hed, cradles in arms. is liek her super powerfull two yer old child who sumtiems speaks grate prophecys. the hous is angsty, ful of memeories of azul's dead faddr who is also donk's dead luver. and jesus who is also ozk's ded luver. wow did that gay hav a lot ov luvers. givs azul sens of hop, if such a despicabl man can find luv, mayb she can aslo.

knonck on tha door. sounds insied hous are mencing and crepy. asshol get ready to shot mor fier.

wen tha dor open, ashol is not afeared, but surpissed.

is….. katata!


	2. Cafter 2 (two): fite ov azhol and katata

AN: Strap in, kids. This is going to be a 22-chapter affair.

"holy canoly it is yuo, asshole!" katata lamped. tha river runs peacfully next to the hous, but no longer. katata beans the water and traps asshole. azhol fites back and maiks the water evarporate.

"wait" assul sasy. "i cum in peac"

"impossible" say katatta and smaks assol with tha river.

"binch" asshole sai undr her breasts. "goddamit i dont wnat to fite"

odin beans a trap of erth arund katata's legs. "wat!" katatta screms. the attack was so unexpekted! asshol is not a beaner ov the erth. culd it be tha donik? thinks she.

donik slapes her with air.

"oof ow my absolute hed" katat yels. is not donik. no, is onion, resting in asshole's pokit.

rivr dies down, gos bakc to peacfully flowing. katata is traped.

"wat are you doing here aren't yuo suppost to be banging zuk" asshol sauce.

"wat no i was nevr banging zuk oh my goodies evn you are shiping us now?"

"idk i jsut assumed it was what was up caus every1 talks about it"

"wel i was not"

"gud i hop hes still a virgin" (crys insied becaus she is still a virgin_. has trust issues.)

"lol no he banged aaaaaang that s why i left. i wandre the erth screming my loss liek a banshee. aaangsty chet on me"

"ben there" donik says. still misses ozcock sumtiems.

"i am on mission to d-stract myself frum tha pane that is in my hart" katata says.

"ugh you hopless roman stick." azul callows anstily.

"whie am i telling you these thing. you are a bith."

"i kno" asshol says. it hurts her. does not wnat to reveal new senstive side that has ben kvltivated by her familia;l luv for odin and donik. "luk we jsut wnat to spend tha nite. do not wnat to hurt yu."

"i, i , i , i ,,, i gues,,,," katata headphones.

"thank" say donik.

"doneky is talk?" katta screms. rithes in erth trap. is afeared.

"lol we bagged another crazie, you have 2 be craz to her tha donik spek. it hapens 2 all of us."

"fuk"

 _YOU MUST JOIN FORCES, THOSE WHO HEAR THE CRY OF THE ASS ARE THE CHOSEN FEW,_ odin speks in her hed, loudly n comandly.

 _ya but tha ones who hear tha cry of the onion r even MORE chosen ;)_ azul say to odin.

 _IT IS TRUE,_ odin bombs. she then releases her frum tha erth fals to the grund and shaks in fear.

azul ex-tends a hand 2 halp her up.

katat spits on her.

"bith" azus say. donik gives a warning tap 2 kat with heir. go insied. "odin wil kep watch becaus she does not ned 2 slep anyways" zul says.

 _I AM YOUR PROTECTOR,_ odin louds.

azul redy to pass out. has ben long day. hops that katatata wil not attack whale they are alseep. beter yet, she wil leavs. Dspite odin's advice 2 join 4ces, she wnats 2 be rid of kata.

"goodnite donik, goodnite, odin" azsulh cantasted. "gudnite moon. gudnite stars. gudnite, ded fadder. gudnite, my insatiable desire 2 kill. gudnite, deth dealer. heh heh heh. gudnite 4ever. becaus u are ded."

stil the mystery haunts her! who is deth dealer? how does donkeiy kno tha deth dealer? and wil his frends b back 2 finish her.

as she fals aslep, shots smal fiers frum bodily orifices 2 ward off bad gys even tho odin is watching.

"gudnite asshole" says she. strats 2 crie becaus she wnats 2 her the words frum another person. cries self 2 slep.


	3. Cheater Threee: truce ov katat and azhol

in morning, katat still there. sits by river angstily, contemplates lyf.

"gud morning" azul saud, wlaking up unexpectdly. she had jsut done her "gud nite" ritual but with morning becaus is morning.

katat is startle. "why are you stil here"

azuhola producked a box of Hostess (TM) Ho-Hos (TM) from her bag o' infinit dimensons. (she had got her bag of infinite diamond sons from oazi. wondered why he had not tryed 2 concore all tha worlds insied tha bag.) "pleas acept these Hostess (TM) Ho-Hos (TM) as an ofering of peac."

katattaa reched ot to grab the Hostess (TM) Ho-Hos (TM) very cautisly. was very hungree. banshes did not ned to et so she had mostly not baotherd.

Taiks box.

Ets.

azhol smiels a geunine warmth. (genuin warmth becaus she is shotting fier frum her mouth without realizing.)

"so why you here" kattt say. her mouth is ful of hos.

"i am a simpel traveler" ashole. "you no how ozizl and i vanshed after tha defet. we hav ben travaling tha land sinc then as simpel peopl."

katta raise eye brows. has gud eyebrows, culd bench press a hors with those eye brows. a frog hops to her eye brows as she raises them and is thrown off violencely from the mere strengh of katata's eye brows. azhole is impress.

"wher is oznike"

"oh he kild himself with own peniss abut a yer ago" ashole nonchalants.

"…wat?"

"long story. 2 b precis, 2,801 words long. point is, he ded. jsut me and donke and odin."

"and yuo hav no plans for world dominatrix?" disbeliefs.

"nope" wnats to say she found tha power ov luv but that wuld sound ghey. "only problem is man tried 2 kil me yesterday, was not fun. donik sas he was a death deler. do u know of?"

"never herd of it"

"wel that's ok. i am proteck by my own beaning obilities, as well as the beaning abilitie of donek and odin. we r only mising a waterbeaner."

katat rases her eye brows onc mor. this tiem, ashole finds herself lifted onto them and then hurled into tha rivr.

strugles to controll angery as stands up in shalows of river. wishes she had punishemnt orb to put katata in.

"i see how it is" asshole karyotypes. "i will be on my way. pls… one favor. tel no one you saw me. remember the Ho-Hos (TM)."

"it is deal" katata says.

casting last glanc at wat culd hav been tha strat ov a bootyful french hip ovr her shoulder, azul getts on board of donik and flies away, onon in her arms.


	4. Capper 4 point o: farquab's deth dealers

azul muchnes on sum Hostess (TM) Ding-Dongs (TM) as she flie across the skie. Donik and her decided it is gud idea to investiges the scene ov tha crim ov yesterday.

deth dealer's charred remans r still sitting by the swamp. azzhole cackels with glee at her ded oponent. luks around tha swamp to see if mor gys are there.

"luk there are sum footprints" say donik. he is gud at tracking.

"interest" say asshole. scratches beard evn tho has no beard. "donik put on your cohort tracking hat"

"will dO' donik puts on witch hat. asshola puts on tha unikorn horn so no 1 will recognize her. for odin, she paints a smily face.

 _DO NOT MARR MY GODLY FLESH WITH MATERIALS FROM YOUR MORTAL REALM,_ Odin angers.

'srory odin' azud say. taiks off paint and puts odin in pocket. odin purrs with happy.

follows doneky down the trale of footprince. wlak for long tiem, whole tiem asshol is et Hostess (TM) Ding-Dongs (TM) frum bag o' infiinit demonsons. had aqcuired all the Hostess (TM) products by endorsing them wen was still princes, was showerd in Hostess (TM) products by servants and lived in tower of Hostess (TM) products. also had endosed crispy chacken nuggsts, but that was a thing beter left in her past. it maid her nostalgia to think abut, fought bak tears.

finaly, rech a castel at edge of forest. big boy. big liek fier palace, except is ugly.

"do u think hes compensatin 4 sumthing" donik sad sorowfuly.

"lol probaby."

"u kno who wasn't compensatin?" donik strats 2 brake down into tears. "ozzidle."

pets doneky's mane. "is ok he's in better plac now. he is in hel, is surounded by fier! he luvs fier. maiks him luk very intmidating." ashula is very dick of hearing abut oznut's sick. sick ov dick.

"there are mor deth dealers" doneik posters.

"oh not gud" azul say.

"thay are tha henchmen of…" he dare not to spake tha naim.

"whomst?" azul begs. taiks off unikorn horn 2 use as binoculars. deth dealers pace in front of casel, angery yet with no meaning.

"lorb farquad" say finaly.

"nevr herd of him" azuls sai.

"yes becaus you left your bag of infit demonaz open 4 to long. how did u think i got into your univers? now, u bring farquab in through bag. have to get him back in."

"but how can whole castel get in bag?" asshul what-the-fucks.

"by the power ov my dik, idk," doneik frusterates. "does not matter! must find a way otherwise farquab wil taik over world, or at least b crepy abut marying a priences."

"fuq that me"

"not no more"

"bih u right"

"sund jsut liek yuor fadder" donek wipes away ter.

 _YOU MUST DESTROY WHAT YOU BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD,_ odin connect fours.

"all rite." azuls agres. "if this is my fault, i must fix it"

"thats tha sprite!" donik says, and begin to think of plan.


	5. Chasmata 5: God ov Wisdom and Battel

AN: Thank you for your encouragement. It means a lot.

menwile, katat is still shit by the edge of the river. holds box of Hostess (TM) Ho-Hos (TM) in her hand, is only one Ho-Ho (TM) left.

is all alone, fels sad, fels betraied. has been wandering for long tiem now, rumors of scary screming spirit are actualy of her.

they call her Blackened Goat Pudding Spirit. does not know why, but she lieks tha fear she inspiers, yet it maiks it imposible 2 maik friends. thinks of azaul, is only person she has spoke to in many moons. did not seem evil anymore.

holds Ho-Ho (TM) in hand and sets on side of river as a sacrifice to tha God of Wisdom and Battle.

 _THANK YOU FOR YOUR OFFERING,_ a voic insied her head louds. sometiems katata thinks she is going crazie, has not herd the voic until she strated 2 wander liek a bandshee. it is scarie, but comforting 2 have at least weird and all knoing voic 2 kep her company.

"of cours, my Lorb" say aktata.

 _YOU HAVE ROAMED THESE LANDS WITHOUT A PURPOSE FOR TOO LONG NOW,_ the voic conts. _IT IS TIME TO PUT YOUR IMMENSE POWER OF WATERBEANING AND YOUR INFLUENCE AS THE BLACKENED GOAT PUDDING SPIRIT TO GOOD USE._

kata will not argue with that God. "wat must I do my Master"

tha Ho=Ho(TM) vanishes in smal chunks, liek is being eaten thotfully. _A NEW THREAT HAS COME TO THESE LANDS._

"is it azul"

 _NO,_ booms It. _THE DETH DEALERS HAVE COME ALONG WITH THEIR OVERLORB. PUT AN END TO THIS BEFORE THEY CAN PROGRESS IN TAKING OVER THE WORLD._

won't argue with tha God of Wisdom and Battle. but feels dout. already had saived world once, luk where that got her! her ex is fuking tha gy every1 thinks SHE shuld be fuking. she is alone, not even Brother caired to help (becaus he was also in tha affare, fuking zuke and aangstyy.) has been betrayed, no longer cairs abut that world.

 _USE YOUR BEST JUDGEMENT, MY CHILD. YOU KNOW, DEEP INSIDE YOU, WHAT YOU MUST DO TO DEFEAT THIS EVIL._ nibbling on Ho-Ho (TM) stops, as if 2 send her a massage.

stairs at it, not wnating 2 B Leave. but knos, liek tha God of Wisdom and Battle said, dep insied her, wat she msut do.

the voic lieves. fels empty insied, in shocc and denile, same feeling as wen she wlaked in on tha threesome of all her closest mail companions. baks away frum half-eaten Ho-Ho (TM) liek it is abut 2 explode. considers freezing self in ice blok in river. shaiks her hed and repets, "No. No. No. No. No." (dramatic music plaiiing in bakgrund, same music that plais wen u see a squirrel with tits).

taiks big breth, composes her self. paints self with tha Lines of Journeyy, is redy for wat has to be dunn.

"ASSHOL WAIT UP!" katata screms and runs into tha forest.


	6. CHapter 666: tha unstopable 4-sum

"so we meet again, _BLACKENED GOAT PUDDING_ " azul spins arund becaus she has super sences, can see out of back of hed becaus tha gost of chsritmas past had givn her tha power, "why are you here. i thot u wanted me 2 fuk off."

"i hav recievd massage frum tha God of Wisdom and Battel." kata say.

"tha what now"

holds ot the remaining Hostess (TM) Ho-HO (TM) as truce and rases those buff, musclar eye brows. hair was in face, but blows gloriously bak frum strength ov those magnificant eye brows. has nice hed hair too, thinks azsole. them hair loops, thay are a mystery wating 2 b solved. how she do it?

"Tha God ov WisDominatrix and BATTLE!" yells katateteat. "my new lorb"

"well tha thing is" azul say. "thare is a new lorb in town. naim is lorb farquuaadd. wil proably do crazie things liek try 2 taik over the world. you C, he es-caped frum my bag o' infinit dimensions. now i msut put him bak in. tha deth dealerz, they are his minions'

"i hate minions" katata maiks tha :/ face.

"no not those yellow bastards who can't even do the talk proper"

"well all minions kinda suk."

"i lieked my minions, they did my biding" smiels evil. "unteel they tried 2 kill me that one tiem. every1 thot i was crazie but thay wer going 2 kEEL me!"

"thats nice, asshol"

asshola narrows eyes. there is still a grate distrust evn tho tha gods hav brot them 2gether. in tiem, perhaps they wil hav happy. but that tiem is not now.

"yuo hav to stop bein a crazie bih if we r going 2 do this" katata intents.

"you dont understand me!" azudlad wines b4 realizing she sunds liek emo brudder. "imean, tha last 2 years hav changed me. i think yuo canot judge me for who i onc waz."

"wow deep" donaky coments.

"thank u" azul happies at heem.

"all rite. i will giv chance to you. butt! only becaus tha God ov Wisdom and Battle told me so."

"gud. now, we hav busines 2 do. how we gonna get that castel bak in tha bag"

"shuld start wit tha lorb himself" katata sugests.

"he is hid behind them walls, many security" donik say.

"not liek first tiem either ov us hav broken into high securititty castel" kataerita emes. "i beelieeve we can. we hav all tha elemelons on our sied, except 4 cocain."

"shuld we acquir this… 'cocain'?" asshola exertas. does not kno ov tha cocain. only knows ov tha Weed. stil has tha bong gun of ozzizzle in tha bag ov infinit diamonds. donik and odin liek it, but not asshol. they call it tha "sweat, sweat Wead." there is nothing sweat about it! asshol no like tha bong gun. angery asshol no weed gun.

"perhaps culd be gud idea" katata stroks chin. katata was batteling a cocain addicktion. did lines off tha baks of wild aneemals. stol cocain frum tha cropps ov poor, strugling farmers. smoked cracc wile flooding vilages. knew it waz bad and shuld stop, but cocain felt so gud.

"well, wat is this 'cocain'" azzhol question marks.

"it is a gud tiem" rases them eye brows agan, not in expresion ov dout this tiem, but multiple tiems in rapid succesion! azul collpases. r the eye brows strong enough 2 knonck her down without evn touching her, or is she so in awe ov their beauty that it maiks her week in tha nees?

"all rite. i am always down 4 a gud tiem" figurs she needs 2 bond with katata b4 they can saiv world 2gether. also needs 2 prov that she is in tune with tha kidz these days, that she iz truly one ov them.

"let us go 2 tha felds then"


	7. Keeper 7ven: No Mor Cocain

deep in hart ov erth kindom, katata sneks out ov forest, away frum tha castel ov farquaab, and towards tha bounty-full fields ov crop.

"we hav 2 stel tha raw crope frist" explains katataata. "then we procest into cocain"

"ok sunds liek a plan" asshol say. is a leetle nervos and confusion.

go into tha felds. azul scanning 4 peopl wile katatat goes rite ahed fearlessly and pulls tha cocain plants frum ground in massiv bundels.

'uh oh"!" asshol alarms. "hear cums that gay!"

"oh no that gy _"_ katatta murmurs wit annoyance. is everyday thing. beans tha watre out ov tha other cocain plants 2 fite him. (wow is rude to ruin AL tha crops, thinks asshole… and thats comng frum some1 naimed asshole!)

water slapes tha farmer gay. "yes. MY cocain"she yells. he is defeeted easy. katata works on tha cocain, procesing it rite there becaus she cannoot wate. she NEEDS. using her eye brows ov strength, she grounds into fine powdre.

asshole sees…. and remembers. knos wat cocain is. cocain is bad. TY Lei usedto do cocain, was not gud. wuld get a leetle cRaZy and try 2 et deeply frum tha pomegranate. wuld para-lice herself with Chi and be comatose 4 many tiems. it reelly slowd them down on qest 2 captor aaaaligator, wuld hav been succcessful otherwise.

asshol jumps on katata. "NO COCAIN!" screms with tha forc ov 109 angree bees.

"WAT! I THOT WE WER HELPING ECH OTHER!" katata angers. screms with force of 108 angree bees (asssuming evry bee is ov uniform strength), so loses.

"i AM help you!" down to 78 bees. angree but also needs 2 placate kata. "cocain is nut gud"

katata wepz. "i kno. i kno it is bad. but i cannoot stop myself"

"i wil help yuo" only 13 bees in her voic. is as tendre as possible 4 her.

azul relizes she is lying on top ov katatata. with tentative, reches ot 2 touch them beutiful eye brows. almost pases out frum amazing sensatin. they r so musclar but tha hair is so soft n weak n fragíle, liek thousands ov kitens, liek aangstyy wen refuse 2 kil oziz.

"yu hav butifull eye brows" she says. manages all tiem low ov bees (11). beats record by not one, but two!

"oh is nothing" katata blushes furryously.

"ok so no cocain" say donik, completly runing tha intimit moment. blows it acros tha field into tha ded plants.

"ok" katat agrees. "if we r going 2 saiv tha world 2gether, i must giv up cocain… once and 4 all."

"im proud" azull says. "is gud."

 _YOU HAVE PASSED THE FIRST TEST OF SINCERITY AND DEDICATION,_ says tha voic of tha God ov Wisdom and Battel in katata's hed.

levs cocain in field as offering for God of Wisdom and Batle. wil b hard, but she swares 2 giv up cocain 4evr.


	8. Chapter Ate: odin's revel

"all rite now that tha cocain is out of the way, now what we do?" donik ?s.

"yu kno this farquad fello beter than we do" asshol rolls,. katat is sad abut giving up the cocain, is stil crieing. asshul awkwarbly haz arm arund shulder. is distressed by how niec it feels 2 touch her former anenomie. kep[s luking at those buttful eye brows.

"castel is so beeg. bigger than i recolect" donik.

"i bet odin can earthbean it into obliveon" azul azuls mischeviousl.

'farquab and tha deth dealers hav ben endowed with tha beaning" dnik explans. "yes. i flew onc, in my lyf at tha swamp. but it was effect ov magic. now, i always can flie. only becaus i hav entred this world."

":/" :/s azuls. "how u kno so much donik"

"oh i hav travled far in tha bag of infinit demonsons, b4 cuming here" donky paints. "i hav seen beeg eye on a tower, vrey scarie eye in MONDOR. i hav ben transfigurred in weezard scool. i hav partake in tha assassination ov tha archduke ov australia, wait, no austria. humans, they are so silly, naiming things similarly." donky laffed evn tho he was a donky named donky, liek that wasnt a sauce of confusion.

"what is australia"

"plaic where everything tri 2 kil u."

"can you shut up"?" katata say". i am trieing 2 think ov what we msut do."

dokey waz sad, but assol understood. it was very imporntat bisness.

A voic louds frum tha heds. _IN ORDER TO DEFEAT THIS EVIL, YOU MUST SEEK THE FOUR CORNERS OF THE EARTH. THERE, YOU WILL FIND THE TOOLS YOU REQUIRE. THIS NEW EMPIRE HAS ALREADY SPREAD ITS ROOTS, AND WITH THESE ULTIMATE WEAPONS, YOU CAN DESTROY IT FROM THE SOURCE. THERE WILL BE HARDSHIPS, TRIAL, AND GREAT PERIL, BUT YOU MUST FULFILL YOUR DESTINY._

"i know wat we must do" katata and asshola say at the same tiem.

gasp. luk at ech other.

"was Odin"

"was God ov Wisdom and Battel"

Asshol gasps and djently taiks odin frum her pockit. tha onion rests in her palm, liek a nomral onion would.

"our guide" katata bows to tha onion. "wat hav i done 2 be bestowed tha onor of yuor fiscical presence"

 _YOU HAVE FOLLOWED MY DIRECTIONS,_ odin/tha God ov Wisdom and Battle McBooms. _NOW, MY CHILDREN! GO FORTH AND CONQUER!_

and they fucking did. and it was awesome.


	9. Chaspy NEIN!: song tiem with asshol

"tha four corners of tha erth" mused katat. "the elemelons?"

"imean, there are 4 of us. ech with diffrent elemelon" asshol pondered. "i hav been asking Odin for advice, not much sucksess. she only talks wen she wnats, is kind of anoying. "

"But! no disrepect" katat adds. hastily.

at curent moment, were ride on donik, flieing thru tha skie. not much room on donik, so kata must hold onto azhol. katat wuz bitter abut it, does not trust tha asshol. azho fels tha fluter ov kata's eye lashes on bak ov her nek. hands r on waist,, liek holdign her 4 a prom pictur or dancign 2gether. gud thing donik can driev himself, otherwize azuhol wuld be distract!

they do not kno wher 2 go. odin's directions, so vague. tha kindom is so beeg, it wil b hard 2 serch tha hole thing. so they r heading to tha mightie north, tha land ov eternal vvinter and grimness. pritty brvtal.

"wil they welcum me" asshol angsted.

"i kno not" katata deeps. "if u ware yuor disguys, mayb u wil b safe."

asshole taps tha unikorn horn in her pockit. "got it" still, she is sad. wnats 2 b acepted 4 who she is, not as stranger, and not as who she WUZ.

"this is a prefict tiem for a song abut yuor internal christis!" donik celophanes. asshola is excite!

 _"Ra-Ra-Rasputin, lover of the Russian queen!_

 _There was a cat that really was gone!_

 _Ra-Ra-Rasputin, Russia's greatest love machine!_

 _It was a shame how he carried on!"_

sings ashol. "no wait, not gud song 4 ocasion" relizes. tries again.

 _"Fastah than a bullet  
Terrifyin' scream  
Enraged and full of angah  
He's half man and half machine  
Rides the metal monstah  
Breathing smoke and FIYA  
Closing in with vengeance soaring HIGHHHHHHHHHH_

 _He. is. the. pain. kil.l ah.  
This. is. the. pain. kill. ah"_

"fuck" says asshole. completly unaware that katata is trying 2 tare out her ear drums from agony ov asshol trying 2 song such a crazie sing. "goddamit, i can never get tha right song. ozza wuz gud at doign that" (theenks abut "i ejaculate fier") "but i hav nut ben blest with tha gift" she tries once mor.

 _"I am now_

 _In a world where I  
Have to hide my heart  
And what I believe in  
But somehow  
I will show the world  
What's inside my heart  
And be loved for who I am_

 _Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight back at me?  
Why is my reflection  
Someone I don't know?  
Must I pretend that I'm  
Someone else for all time?  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?"_

"there we go!" asshol happies.

"very gud!" donik aplauds. (haz no hands, apluads by smashing teet 2gether.)

"i think i am goign deaf" katata complanes. "god u cannot sing in key 4 shit."

"oh yea? y dont YUO try?" ashol challanges.

"mayb anodder day, i think weve had enouf singing 4 now"

"corward" ashol nightstands.

"ugh fine" katat undeads. begins,

 _"If I should stay  
I would only be in your way  
So I'll go but I know  
I'll think of you every step of the way_

 _Bittersweet memories  
That is all I'm taking with me  
So good-bye  
Please don't cry  
We both know I'm not what you, you need  
_

 _And IIIIIIIIIIIIeeeIIIIIIIIIIIII will always love youuuuuHOOOOOOOOO  
I will always love you  
You  
My darling, you"_

azhol's jaw dropes and she almost fals off doniek and into tha abiss that is tha unforgiving osean. a buttiful voic! much talent! wow! wnats 2 tell katat how amazing she is, but has 2 much pride aftar katat insulated her bad singing.

:luk" kata say. "i can sea tha ice"

"it EESgettign cold" donik small talks. "we shuld reach by nightfal."

"awesum" asshol said. is stil stuned.

"grate" katata is happy becaus wil get away frum asshole sooner. wnats this 2 be finnish. yet, asshol is perhaps, D-spite horible singing voic… not as bad as she thot. (not a posibilitity kataatat wnats to explor. refuses 2 accept tha change in felings that mite be ocuring.

 _BY NIGHTFALL_ , Odin loudlies, and tha unstopable qwartet flies off into tha sunset.


	10. Chesus X : the battel ov tha mitie north

in tha mightie north, things r not going 2 well.

town is going to the doggos, many things r burning evn tho whole trieb ov tha north is maid of ice, n minions run rampant thru the strets.

"dat not good" donik states tha obvios.

"clearly we hav 2 help" katata good citizens. "so many deth dealers! but we must taik them"

"uh oh" asshol sas. they hav been SPOTED! a beeg chunk ov ice flys past them. donik swervs expertly and blows big air bak, many mionions falling off tha sied of tha battelments.

"all rite God of Battle, do yuor thing!" donky screms.

"thare is no erth here yuo FOOL!" azsol frutrates.

frum tha botom of tha oshin, rises big pillar ov stoen! hits minions and many fal into tha freezing sea. tha waterbeaners r working hard and r reliefed 2 see they hav help. a Cher goes up frum them as they recogniz katata!

while thy r Chering, tha minions strik bak!

"i didnt wnat to believe that they were strong enoff 2 taik us" doenyk mourns. he assblasts them agan, many blok him whith many difrent tipes of beaning. fier shots past them and doneik screms real loud and girlie.

asshol brings ot her beeg atack. with balanc that even tylei would have jealoused, stands up on doniks back as he swoops an dievs 2 avoid tha numerus ass salts.

"wat r yu DOING!?" katata scolds.

Ashol moons tha minions. many r laffing and confusion. with a mightie queef, fier shots frum her womanly hole and destroiz tha deth dealers.

"fadder taut me tha tru strengh of tha genitalls in a fite" azul explans.

"im still confusd on wat happned with tha fier peniss incident" katat said.

"i will elaborat l8er, we r in the middle of a battel!"

donik swoops low ovr tha citie, tha minyins atacking furryously, but with tha expert tease ov tha unstopable 4some, tha thret is nutralized.

water trib hail them liek heroes (not heroes liek the sand witch) aftr battel ends. katat pays thanks 2 Odin 4 her halp. donik lands, and many Chers go up.

But stop wen see assul, evn tho katata is the Blackened Goat Pudding Spirit. "arent you that crazie binch" 1 acculidites.

o fuc, azul relizes. 4got to put on unicon hon (wich was given 2 her by tha gost of christmass past).

katatta steps to her defens. "it ok she is here to help fite this grate new evil"

azhol is touched. mayb katata doesn't hate her. mayb even lieks her? but does not wnat to git her hops up. "yes. i hav come to stop farquab and tha deth dealers bfore they can do mor damages."

"if u say so katat" chief guy suspicions.

ashol turns 2 katata. "i am feling confident, mayb we can taik down farquab without findign the 4 croners ov thee erth. we did so gud."

 _N O,_ Odin scrombles, evn louder than evr. _YO DEFEAT HIM IN HIS OWN HOME, WITH HIS NUMEROUS DEFENSES. IT IS SIMPLY IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT THE TOOLS ACQUIRED FROM EACH CORNER OF THE WORLD._

azul winces undar the hrash voic. 'okay okay okay" she ulates, out loud. "i trust u"

"steel is crazie, is talking to hreself" memes a man.

"we r reciving communication frum tha GODS! mind yuor moth." katat defenses once mor.

'I… am srory" apologyses meme man.

asshole stroks odin 2 reassur her that she wil git the repect she desservs. odin purrs undar her fingres. asshols fingres hav smelled liek onions for an entier year. smel probably nevr will go away.

"we r luking 4 the tools at 'the four corners ov the erth'" katat explans. "wil help us defeet farquaaad."

"hm, i kno not what that culd be" chiefs. "but yu r welcum 2 stick arund n see."

asshol maiks exitted eye contect with katat. thare is a geuine happy in her eyes, an very buttiful smile. liek is happy 2 see ashol. leetle buterflys happen in asshol's internal food sack.

she wil not acnowlidge her felings, no, not yet. is resitsant 2 the idea. katatatta chaned her 2 a sewer onc, she wil nvr 4get. they wer bitter enmeies 4 so long, tryed 2 incapacitate ech other for many moons. now… wuld this shaired jurney bring them 2gether?! assol found hreself hopping so, much 2 her chagrin.

"thank u" katata mRNAs. "we wil acept."


	11. Charlemagne Elven: Tha Seel

in scairy ice place, thay r looking 4 tha first tool 2 defeet farquaaaad. a gud rest was taken, now, it is back to tha grind.

in the pool r the two feesh. katat luks mornfull, will nut elabort 4 asshola. asshol is beeng held 2 new stanrads. she strats 2 relize. has 2 maik kata liek her. nut just 2 appease tha food sacc buterflies but 4 gud of the mision.

"maybee i shuld mediate by the pond" say kuteripackopopo.

"uh what will that doo" ashol skeptics.

"i will get thems ansers" kata says. "ov where is thee first tool of the four croners of the earth, of the sonar sistem, of tha galsexy of tha —"

"ok i get it, impotent mission" asshol says. still impatient bith, ov all tha things she has nut changeed abut hersef.

kat sits down with tha cross legs n putts her hands on her nees and does tha "ommm". imeditely falls unconshis.

"um" asshol says awkwardice. "now wat" maiks exchnage of luks with donkyee.

"uh i gues we wate" doenkty zulobirds. "oh luk what is that"

on side of cliff is a leetle baby seel. how did it get up thare? how does asshol kno what a seal is? (has nevr seen 1 b4.)

it maiks a smal adoráblé nois. "awwwww" donek maiks do say think. wthout warning, he flys up 2 get it and brings it onto his bak.

"wat shall we nam it?" assheola desmonds.

"I think… Seel" donik says loveingly.

"wy did i ask yuo youre litrally a doneky calld donekay" ashula shaiks hed with disdain. "we shall call it tha SEVENTH Seal!"

"wy"

"becaus all the other six hav ben broke, thats how yuo kno tha apocylopse is combing… and methinks farquab may just b the apocococpls"

"gud point" doneky say.

then, katatatata waiks up. "I GOT IT!" screms she. luks to asshole. "oh. yuo've alredy found it."

thare is angery in her eyes. maiks asshol feel bad. "actully, it was doneik" points out 2 shift tha guilt and/or glorie.

"i hav spoke with my brudder's ded ladiemate (yu kno, tha big orb up thare jsut chillgn in tha skie) and she has sad it is thee SEAL"

"wat is this abut orbs" a shuder convulses her becaus she dis'n't' hav gud memeries ov orbs, and also is confuse.

"i wil tell yuo once yuo tel me abut tha fier peniss acident"

"okay deal" asshula says, "is fare. anyway, hav the seal. why we need this? is so harmles and tiny."

 _AND SO AM I,_ Odin hovercraft full of eels. _THE SMALL ARE INCREDIBLY POWERFUL ONCE YOU HAVE LEARNED THEIR STRENGTHS._

"i know ov seel's strength" katata expluries. "tha seel… well, is a seal. is a seel 4 the bag of inifity dimensionates. onc farquab is insied we must close tha bag 4ever using tha seel. liek seel ov envelop. but also seel liek tha water dog aneemal. both at same tiem"

"BUT THATS WHERE I KEP MY Hostess (TM) PRODCTS!" Ashole weps. rite now even, she wuz eeting a Hostess (TM) Snoball (TM)."

"i dot kno wat 2 tell yuo. taik sum out?" katat emlings.

"al the Hostess (TM) products I can carrry wil only last me liek an hor, an whour and thriteen minúts if i am in the lucky"

"i am sory for yuor los" katat says. puts a hand on asshul's shulder in cumfort. asshol relishs evry instant of that touh, how gud her hand fels agans her evn thru her many slayers ov armer. she is so closse 2 asshol, almost unbareabley clos. asshol wnats 2 caress that faic, fel those strong yet soft eye brows, strok them hare loops, and stare soulfuly 4ever into hre buttiful eys that r liek tha ocen on a sunnie day if tha god damn republicans had not ben poluting it. nerly swoons rite thare. tha buterflys r swarming in her internal food sack and now she fels them in her slitely hiyer internal air holders aswell. and in her qikly thumping thump thump.

is steel in denile but dep insied her, she knos, she is faling hard (and if she had a dik, it wuld also b hard.)

but katatat removs hand. is liek she taiks a part ov asshol's happy with her. "we hav seel now. all we had 2 do was fite sum minions, finding it was eazy! it is so erly in tha jurney yet we hav already fund tha first tol."

ashul finds hreself agreing blindly. she wil do anyting 4 senpai 2 notiec her. 2 liek her. mayb evn lov her.

"i think, next gud stope wuld be tha air plac. we wil go tomorow morning"

"sunds liek a plan!" asshol enthuses.

"i am glad 2 know we r on tha same sied now" kata warmly smiles.

asshol colapses agains rok overwhelm with felings!

kata ruins it. "unless yuore fooling me 4 sum devious raison. but i hav faith in the God of Wisdom and Battel."

"oh" asshol sads with sad.

obliveous, katata retruns 2 tha main camp ov tha mightie north, wit tha orginal iconick trio rite behind her.


	12. Chatper liek TWELVE!: katata is sad

"lmao" donak waffles as asshola shots anudder flaming fart from hre ass.

"eeyeyyyye" assheola cakcels.

donky maiks a frat and shots himself high into tha air!

"wat do u think yuore; doing!?" cums a voice frum betwen the trees.

asshola pules up her pants, asshole's asshole still stringing frum the fier. katat luks angy.

"hey r we not allowed 2 hav FUN?" doneky disappoints.

"we hav 2 maik camp yuo fools, i can't do this on me own, unles yuo no wnat shelter. is gros anywys 2 elemelon fart"

asshuala relizes she neds 2 show katatatata the meaning ov fun. (but without pissing her of wich is easy 2 do.) "ok but we do sumthing 2gether cool aftar, yuo wil like"

 _THAT DOES NOT MEAN SHOWING HER YOUR GENITALS,_ Odin advices.

"GOD DAMMIT ODIN KATA CAN HEAR YUO TOO" ashol crys 2 tha hevns as katat becums vrey uncomfortble. also is blushing.

asshol's buterflys hav turned 2 bees. angery bees. she haz 221 bees 4 her voic and food sack 2 shair.

"excuse me" katat says.

"odin is warning me just in case" asshol bullshits. "i mean u've alredy seen me ass today. my ass and that ass, donik" laffs away nervos with bad joke. "i wil taik u to a gud plaic, and i will not cort yuo becaus that is jsut not the rite thing 2 do in this dire situatin"

"finaly some1 who understands" katat says. but clasps hand ovr muth in ragret!

"Aansgtyy did nut undertand?" assumes assuma.

"Nun of yuor bisniss!" katata runs bak into tha forest screming liek tha banshee she so d-sired 2 becum.

"wate" asshol yellows. with her feet of fier, she jetpakks aftar tha wooman she is begin 2 luv.

katat is sit on cliff stairing angstyily into sunset. asshol desends slow, rite into direct feeld ov vision.

katana is startle but luks away inindigance. sit on cliffsied next 2 her, kat no acnowelige her. she is crieing. thay r in an indie movy basicly.

"ive not got a frend in tha world" satana finaly says.

"u hav us now" ashole says. she is trying so hard 2 minimalize tha bees. thare are abut 34 in her voic.

katana has no bees in voic becaus she sounds ded."u r jsut my qwestm8"

"that doesnt mean thats all we hav 2 b" ashol awkwards. no gud at the cumfort thing. steel has problems with lak ov empthaty. "imean" hasties. "frends. we can b frends"

kata givs a luk of scathing, culd cut thru a man's flesh (gud thing asshol is not a man).

"youve already given me more of a chance than i D-serve, with the way I wuz. as much as i luv donik and Odin, i am so grateful for tha human conact that i hav been lakking 4 a year sinc fadder died."

tha mention of ozs's deth seems to Cher her. "ok, tel wat happened"

"well idk if donik wnats me 2 tell… but onc, ozscus fuked doney and lerned… culd still bean with dicc! wnated 2 taik ovr world agan, but i wuz done with it. so i slaped tha punsihment orb over him, but was bad tiem 4 him becaus he was about 2 nut. so he burned aliv in thare. i did nut mean 2 kil him, techincally, is keel himself with own peniss"

katata laffs evn tho tha storie is very distubing. wipes tears away frum her eyes that r liek tha skie on a cler sumer day, if it had not ben puluted by those dam republicans.

"wuld u liek a Hostess (TM) Snoball (TM)?" asshul sugests.

"shure i gess"

asshula puls a box frum bag ov infitinite diamondasons. "here u go"

thay et tha Hostess (TM) Snoballs (TM) wile watching tha buttiful sunst. (is not as buttiful as katata, thinks asshole). wnats 2 put her arm around tha sad gril but haz respect 4 personal boundries.

wlak bak 2 tha camp whare doneky is still maiking air frats. katat goes 2 slep n azul tries not 2 be crepy but keps luking at her peacfull bodie (liek wuz skultped by tha gods or maybee Odin herself). wnats 2 hold her. wnats 2 taik her on romantic date. wnats 2 tell her that she is fundamentally gud person and how much she alredy means 2 asshul. wnats 2 maik bak tha happy that wuz taken frum her by that bastrad avatat (and also zuk, fucc him too becaus he wuz tha accomplish).

god im relly feckign gay, asshol finaly admits.


	13. chpatr UNLUCKY 13!: The Saw

it has ben long ride 2 tha air plac. donik, ashol, and katatat r exausted (odon is not exasuted, becaus is a god). ashol is eting her felings all day, eting many Hostess (TM) Twinkies (TM). is conserned 4 katata.

tha air plac is usualy empty becaus all tha air peopl r ded (exsept 4 tha midle scooler who broke kat's hart). but today, is difrent. tha deth dealers r maiking camp on one ov tha tempels. lucky, they r sleping.

"lets avoid a confrontation" katat sugests. "i am so very tried"

asshola still feels need 2 kill sometiems but she is also so very tried (evn mor tired ov living than me, tha author). "ya all rite lets get a gud nite. Odin will watch ovr us and protec us frum tha deth dealers"

katat maiks a qwik prayer 2 the God of Wisdom and Battel. then, falls unconshis imeditely. (agan)

"gudnite donik" asshola begins tha ritual of the nighttiem. "gudnite odin. gudnite, fuckwitted brudder. gudnite ded fadder. gudnite, mudder who nevr lovd me. gudnite asshola." luks at tha sleping form of kata agan. with tender, "gudnite katata"

begins 2 drift of….. but sees glowing eyes arund tha corner.

"katat waik up" trieing not 2 be destracted by her gayness, she touches katata n shaiks her 2 awaiken her.

"wat" katat gremlins crossly.

tha eyes git closer! in tha low lite, they seem 2 b attatched 2 a FAIC!

it is uglie faic, a wooman with many blemishes n uglie hairstile. she luks liek a 50s wief is 50s wief was harbringr ov the apastalypse.

in her hand, holds big razor.

"The Saw," asshola cannoot halp but to exohale in awe. tha rumors r tru. tha air peopl had it. n who was this wooman?

besied her, the Seventh Seal whimprs fear. kata piks in up n cradels in arms liek babie. (how ashole wished katar wuld hold her liek that. wipes away tear becaus katata is so compassion.)

"Hello, brave, questing mortals," tha wooman says. her voic is raspy liek düth. "I, The Keeper of The Saw, have been informed by the Gods that you are on a mission to collect four artifacts, one from each corner of the earth."

"yep dat rite" donik says. haz no fear ov strangers, becaus he banged a dragoon and had leetel donik-dragion highbride kiddos wit her. "so can we hav?"

"Foolish mortals! No, you must prove yourselves first."

"maam,uh, meess Keeper of The Saw, uh, we hav gatherd tha seel frum the mightie north" kata says n tentivly presents tha scaired seal.

"That will not be enough for me," say the scarie wooman. throws The Saw into tha sleping camp ov deth dealers!

"fuck" say asshola.

"all rite all abored!" doneky hollows!

katat jump on doik, then asshol climes on with Odin in her pockit.

tha deth dealers awaikn. Oh no! but atleast The Saw kils one ov them wen it fals in their camp.

"¡Dios Mio!" dice kataata. "¡Los comerciantes de muerte estan despiertos!" Ellos vuelan a la campamento.

Un comerciante de muerte dispara a los cuatro héroes. Asshola frijoles fuego, y ellos muertan. "¡Chupen mi pene inexistente, comerciantes de muerte!" dice Asshola.

donek swoops n weavs arund tha incompitient minyins. gener8s a mightie wind 2 send them of the clifs. 'oh no it's tha Blackened Goat Pudding Spirit! on a flieing GOAT!" tha deth dealrs yell about katata n doneky evn tho donk is nut a goat. does not evn hav tha goat beered liek ozizzle.

"in the naim of Lorb Faurquaab!" scresms a deth dealer and jumps off tha cliff holdign The Saw.

" _NOOOOOOOO"_ asshola and katarei agony in union. kata maiks watre arm frum watre in cateen. grabs tha man, but he let's go ov The Saw!

that bueitfull, prefectly round spining razor blaid falls into tha chasmata. a glimmer of starlite on it as it disapares.

"HolD ON!" donaiky warnings. he maiks beeg dive!

all ov them screm at tha reckless move. evn odin maiks tha fear nois. tha seel is so afeared and kata holds it so clos n asshola is so afeared that she canut evn b jealis.

they desend into big chasmata. seems liek goes down 4ever which is scarie but also is gud becaus mor tiem to catch The Saw b4 is shatter into milions ov peices on the distant grund.

maik it undar The Saw. "WUT WE DO NOW? HOW CATCH?" Asahola maiks worry.

katat extends tha arm ov watre 2 catch The Saw. donik jerks 2 a halte imeditely n asshola loses balanc! Falls of!

The Saw is stuk betwen 2 roks in kata's watre grip, donik canut flie down. katat lets go ov The Saw! grabes azul with tha watre hand insted!

The Saw falls 2 obliveon az katat pulls azzhol bak onto dnkey.

"you saived me; asshol releafs. is filed with fear and is shook, but is with happie becaus katat maid her priotiry ovr The Saw. she givs katat hug without thinking abut it, 2 show her graTitude (and becaus does not want 2 fall of agan).

"we lost The Saw" kat dismesses.

but then a beeg pillar ov erth rises frum tha chasmata. on it sits The Saw! it glimmers in tha starlite agan, is in as gud as conditin as evar.

"Thank u Odin" azzul cries.

"O mightie God of Wisdom and Battle!" katat choruses.

with The Saw, they asend.


	14. Chili 4teen: odin maiks evry1 discumfort

"It appears that the Gods have willed you to succeed," the uglie 50s ladie (The Keeper of The Saw) say. "Therefore, I shall let you pass. You may take The Saw, the artifact from the second corner of the earth. Use it well. Defeat this new evil."

 **"** thank u, o Keeper of The Saw" donkeyy bows 2 tha ledie.

"No. It is all of you now who are The Keepers of The Saw. As for me, I am once more just The Final Pam. Now, be on your ways! And godspeed!"

"but its tha midle of the nite" azul complantains. "we r so tried"

"Get out of my Air Temple!" scrudles The Final Pam.

with ferful screm, all hop on dnik agan and leav 2 maik camp jsut outsied the air plac.

"now wat" ashuls. thay r flieing.

"we retrun 2 erth kin" katat says.

 _NO,_ odin comands with tha forc ov 2,016 bees. is way more bees than evn assul can summon! and haz extra venom becaus 2016 was such a shittie year. _ASSHOLE, YOU MUST FIRST RETURN TO YOUR HOMELAND IN ORDER TO SET THINGS RIGHT, BEFORE THE FINAL TOOL IS AVAILABLE._

 _"no I dont wanna go 2 tha fuego naton!"_ ashole wines. "odin, pls, that prat ov me liyf is ovr. whomst am i 2 set things rite with? zuk9? is he find mudder… mayb her? pls no, Odin, i ask this favor as your humbel servant."

"i canoot return ether!" kata banshee-shreks. "is where all those who betraid me resied"

 _YOU KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO BE PART OF THE TASK,_ odin opeths. _I ASK THAT YOU COMPLETE THIS CORNER BEFORE EARTH'S CORNER OF THE EARTH. YOU MUST SHOW FARQUAAD THAT YOU POSE A REAL THREAT. CURRENTLY, HE DWELLS IN YOUR FORMER DOMICILE, ASSHOLE._

"o fuck now i rely cant avoid zuk" asshol laments. "unles farquad is kill him? or banish agan?" the thot fills her wit hop.

 _NO,_ Odins.

4 first tiem, ashula is truly mad at odin tha onion. considers taiking out ov pockit and flinging down into grund! but cannot do that. odin is gud frend, evn if being a bossy leetel fucker at tha moment. and ashul wuld certainly faic tha rath of tha gods.

donik alights upon a skenic vista. finly, they can relacks and process tha day 2gether.

katata is angstily sit on sied of cliff agan. asshol aproaches. "i do not wnat 2 go to tha land of flams" katat mornfuls, "also i miss doing cocain, i am having withdarawal"

"me nether" asshol says. of cours, she is etting sum Hostess (TM) Cupcakes (TM). "an yuo can hav a Hostess (TM) product evry tiem u wnat 2 do cocain.'

"all rite" katat taiks a Hostess (TM) Cupcake (TM).

"luk…. thanks 4 saving me, evn if it ment that The Saw wuld be lost"

"i mean you are my pardner on this qest"

ashola trys not 2 wep. is that all she wil evr b to ktaa? that and giver ov Hostess (TM) prodcucks?

"it wuld b hard 2 do this on my own becau package deal wit donik and odin so i hav 2 put up wit u i guess"

asshole is consumption by sadnes. is jsut katata's stress ov the day! hops azul. evn tho kata is bein a bonch 2 her, she admires those lovly feetures. those buttiful blu eyes luk so sad, welling wit tears, thay r tha saim colour as the shaid ov paint calld "Ice Storms From The Astral Plane," whatevr the fuk that means. ashol bets that the god dam republicans r poluting tha astral plane, too.

thru tears, ashol chokes ot, "well i gess thats okay, i am jsut gratefull 2 be aliv" an impulse seizes hre, she touchs one of them hair loops! it is so soft yet so THICC! it maiks her crie mor, becaus she can nevr hav it. katat does nut pull away but givs ashul a weird luk. "how u do them hair loops" asul asks, steel crieing beeg buckits ov tires.

"i came ot ov the womb liek this" she igloos.

"that is truly amazing" ashul says, n she runs away crieing!


	15. Chalice 15: asshola's gift

tha jurney 2 tha fier nate is a long boy. thare is a mutuall dred betwixt them, sumthing ashol trys 2 bond wit katat over. kata haz not ben in gud mood. dinek is tired frum flieing for so many daze. evn odin, she haz not spoke 2 them.

azul is trying 2 Cher them up, is not going too well. morale is low. only haff the items frum tha corners hav been partaiken, and thay r so tried. but this is a mishin that cannoot wait. farquab's deth dealers r everywhere, in evry citie and town they enter. kata is driven, steel, by pointless altruism. so they fite a lot, scair off deth dealers. tha closr 2 the fier palce they go, the mor deth dealers abound.

"farquab stil has his strengthhold in erth king. but he is alredy hav concored fier place" kata strategies.

ashol blaims zuk 4 weaknes. ozizzle NEVAR wuld have let this hapen! "who knew it wuld b so easy 2 concore us" says she, "or is becaus our stait has becum so weak"

"yeh ur brudder is 2 busy fuking leetel bald child. and, mine 2" confesses.

"oh gee is worse than i thot" ashul cringes.

"u can imagin wy i nevr wnat 2 see them agan"

"frist, fadder with donik and jesus man, now brudder wit socket and aalpaca" azul shaiks hed. "i wunder, who mudder wit" theenking abut her mudder, she cries becus mudder nevr lovd her. then thinks, _and me wit yu, katat!_ hopfully.

"wat is rong wit mudder"

"mudder thot i was a demon child"

katat shrugs, is tru enuff. kata is surprised by all the emotins azus has shown (bsieds rage and bloodlust.) sadnes, not bottled up insied. and a sens ov camaraderie. they r comrades! katata hums tha soviet natinal anthem pasionatly. a littel known fact abut her, besieds her cocain addickion, is that she is a dieheard Marxist. Hail 2 mother Russia! down wit tha bourgeois!

"wow i am glad we hav this mutul trust ware we can shair our haunting angst wit eachother" katat say.

azul is so surprise, in gud way! "relly?"

"i mean it's tha first tiem ive wreaked a confesion frum yu…. and i mean i luv 2 tell evry1 abut the sins that hav befallen my formr luver. it is wat i screm about, wen i screm liek a banshee"

ashol is so sad, ktaa haz only grown mor distance. trets asshol liek shit.

manie nites pass, and many days as well (is not eternal nite. not yet.) kataa is cut herself of frum rest ov group, does not evn pray 2 Odin anymor, or leav offerings. onc, asshol caught her trieing 2 do cocain! jumped on her, tried 2 stahp her, but ended up frozen in ice blok 4 a long tiem and get beat up with those strong, buttiful eye brows. katat did not do tha cocain becaus she wuz too bussy crieing.

asshol trys 2 think ov gift, be thotful 2 Cher up katata. (katat wuz getign sick of Hostess (TM) prodicks. asshole had nevr thot she culd lov a wooman who did not liek Hostess (TM) but she had ben rong.) so into tha bag of inifit dementia she goes!

aftar physicly being insied a meme website, and traversing tha grim and frostbiten regins of Hoth, and watching a skeletin copulate wit a plant, and going many mor strang plaices, asshola finds it! tha prefect gift.

"i thot u wuld liek this" ashul say 2 katat one morning. she haz ben insied bag of infit dimensions all nite, serching, and has not slep. her hair is burned off on one sied. a wierd animal haz trackked muddy footprints on her faic. and, she haz a tattoo now that says "Santiago."

'wat do u wnat, ashol" katat angeries. she is holding the Seventh Seal and petting it agressivly. tha seal is uncomfort.

"luk" say asshol, and pulls ot gift.

ees another water bag. but diffrent. "is another bag of infit dimensins, frum insied bag of infint dimensins. thare is infit watre insied ov it but it weighs leik nothing!" she lifts tha bag. it is lighter than hre hart is wen she sees tha happy of katat!

"oh wowie thats so cool!" katat sys. givs ashole a beeg hug.

asshol was nut expecting it but it is so welcum. she maiks a smiel and trys not 2 melt undar the touch of tha wooman she lovs. givs beeg hug back, loses grip on water bag. watre spils all ovr them.

they maik laff 2gether. asshol cannot rememeber last tiem she wuz so happy. mayb tha retrun 2 fier nat wil not b so bad.


	16. Chapter Sweat 16: retrun 2 fier place

AN: If you've gotten this far, I would like to congratulate you. I consider this the start of the last arc before the final battle, so hang in there, fellas. Also, I would like to thank my reviewers for having an actual sense of humor and the ability to recognize a joke, unlike some people who read "The Questizzle of Ozizzle."

"hey bith i used to liv here" asshola sayz 2 a confrontational deth dealr. "i hav bisnis wit farquazzle"

"okay but yuo must b escort" says tha deth dealer.

azul knows she culd kill tha deth deler so eazy but she does not. wnats 2 formally declare war on farquab insted of giving him no prepares. it is wat odin haz told her 2 do.

tha deth dealer maiks escortion 2 tha fier palce. ashol and atata r filled wit a stedy resolv, r redy 4 wat has 2 b done. doeik, he is nervos, and odin is of cours silent.

tha fier place iz now filled wit deth dealrs. it maiks asshol upset. in thrown room, fier stil burns, but is fueled not by tha magic of beaning but many gingerbred men r being burned aliv. farquab is siting on wat shuld b HER or FADDER'S seat (but not zuk becaus fuk him).

he is waring a stupid leetel hat and he has uglie faic (but not a cool and scarie ugly liek Final Pam's faic.) he is so short, asshol culd jsut nock him ovr so easy! "lmao wy does odin think he is so hard 2 defet" ashol maiks snide coment 2 kat.

but farquad, wit lite ov insanitity in his eyes, maiks fier grow! then flies off tha thrown! beans tha grund! then maiks obsene motion at them and beans tha blud ov tha gingerbred gys! blud hits them on faic, an donik freaks ot but evry1 else is stoic.

farqub is tha atavat!

"well well well well well well well" aloe veras farquab. "it is asshol and the Blackened Goat Pudding Spirit."

"wat hav u dun 2 my awful cheting ex boyfrend!" katat yells angery.

"nutting" farquab bird calls. "hav dun nothign 2 him, he is jsut locked away"

"wat did u do wit my idiot brudder" ashl asks out ov obligaytion and becaus she hops sumthign bad happened 2 him.

"also in dungins" forequad.

"watever they r both awful" asshol air guitars at katata. 2 far, "we wud liek u to get the fuk out of here anyways"

"lol bithc?" farqub emos.

"fite me" ashol raichorses.

"dont fite" donik bagels. "pls"

so many deth delers r here, closing in on them, earily similar 2 a grup ov peopl slowly movign towards a common point.

"i sugest u leav" farquab snadels.

 _YOU MUST STAY,_ says voic ov Odin. _THERE ARE THINGS HERE FROM THE PAST THAT MUST BE LAID TO REST. YOU WILL VISIT THE DUNGEONS._

"luk, farquab," katateri says. "o mightie lorb farquaab, we reqest yuor parmesan 2 see our peopl in tha dungins"

"if u think of freeing them….." frawuag boats, "i wil not hesitait 2 hunt u down and lok u up"

tha thot ov beign lokked up wit brudder is enuff 4 ashul 2 not evn wnat 2 try. "wasnt evn thinking ov it" asshola says.

"ok, 2 tha dungins. off wit yuo" farquab formulas.

mor deth dealers excort them 2 tha dungins. it is gross down thare. many cobwebs, smel ov deth, skeletins hanging arund. donik is still panic. ashul almost wishs that katata was afraid becaus then asshola culd hold her in cumfort. but she is not, becaus she is strong wooman.

arrival at tha cels. asul worries, wat if wen kata sees aavocadong agan, wil she 4giv him? does he wnat her bak? ankshisly, ashol nearly finds hrself doing tha "crispy ckeick nuggits" chant but ets a Hostess (TM) Twinkie (TM) insted.

split up, katat goes 2 see Aalaskaa and Soccer, aul goes 2 meet zuk (that leetel shit).

"hello big brudder" says wit malic. he is behind bars, maiks her happy. he is also crieing. his hair is mor emo than evr (sumhow).

"asshole! wat do u wnat! wy r u here!" zuk crys.

"luk, kateripo and i r going 2 taik down this farquab dude" explains. "uh, not 4 YUO or anyting, but becaus Odin told me so"

"whosmt is odin? ware hav yuo ben 4 two yers? ware is fadder? wy is thare a talking donky wit yuo?"

"slow down, brudder. odin ees my god, givs us instructions 4 defeting farqab. fadder and i wer wandring abut tha erth kindom, he died tho, kild himself wit own peniss (long storie). donik is frum bag ov infitin dimensins which is also ware we need 2 put farquab bak into"

zuk stairs soufflé into her eyes, fild wit emotin. "mudder wuld liek me 2 tel u…" azul strats 2 tear up immeidtly at mentin ov mudder. ",,,that she nevr lovd yuo."

asshol binch slapes zuk thru tha bars. tha bars wer clos 2gether, but she culd flattn her hand 2 get thru (was anudder gift frum gost ov chrismas past.)

"o yeah wel at least fadder lovd me" ashol retorts. 'he was tha IMPORNTAT parent lol"

zuk crys harder. wy is thare family so fuked up. "dad is a BITHC! but it do not matter becaus he is ded and i am taiken his plaic, NOT YUO!"

"YEAH WELL FARQUAB IS TAIKE PLAIC!"

thay r both crieing so much. donik bakks away slowlie frum awkwrd sitution.

"ok wel point is that i am trieing 2 get rid ov farquab" asshol says, wiping away a tear that haz reched all the way 2 her foot. "i will free u evn thog LEETEL SHIT! aslo u brok katat's hart by FUKING HER BOYFREN! NOT COOL!"

"um wat how u kno abut that"

"SHES HERE YUO IGNORTANT ASSLICKING SHITMONKY"

"FUCCCC!:""'; zukd pancakes!

"THIS DOES NOT FEEL LIEK LAYING THINGS 2 REST, ODIN! ONLY THING I MITE LAY 2 REST TODAY IS ZUK'S BODIE IN A COFFIN!" ashil screms. she storms out of dungin aftar slaping zuok agan.

menwile, ktat goes 2 see her brudder and her ex, onlie 2 see tem maiking ot pasinitly. thay r naiked. she turns tha fuk around rite away, full ov angery. runs of 2 whare azul is crieing, on abov grund.

"well that sukked" ashol said. tearfuly, katat agres.

thay r the only peopl they hav left anymor. :( :( :(


	17. Cheaper 17: gost ov christmas past

asshol is maiking slep insied gest quartres, not much beter than dungins, and is still garded. katat is in other room. how she wishs they wer shairing tha bed, so asshola culd rap her arms around tha wooman she luvs and cuddel wit her (becaus she is so touch starved and relly gay).

but no. asshol luks up. disco musik is playing, witch is a sine that a minion ov the gost ov chrismas past is cuming.

minuts l8er, tha form taiks shaip. asshola is shoked, nerly falls ot of bed!

"It is I, The Ghost of Christmas Past," says a voic. it is not one ov his minyins this tiem, his minyins had ben tha 1s 2 giv her all her abilitys, not the man himself! And who the man is! it is a shock!

"…DAD?" ashola screms. wy did she not relize sooner? fadder luved dickso muzik. had told her that she had ben conceived 2 disco musik. wenevr had big important partie, or any gathring, put on disco musik (evn during war mettings.) plaid disco muzik at grandpa's funral evn tho grandpa had h8ed it so much.

"I have come to grant you a gift," spake ozizzle. "In person I have chosen to present myself to you, rather than sending a minion. That is because this gift is _vital._ And it will also be the last gift that either my minions or I can present."

"fadder" asshole cried, "but u hav only jsut retruned! pleas do not leav me yet i hav girl problem too, pls help also how did u get to be gost of christmas past"

"Jesus let me become part of the Christmas legend, being his lover and all," sayeth oznut. "He is the Ghost of Christmas Future, so we are unfortunately, _despairingly,_ separated by the ever-shifting fault line that is the Present… We have saved that space for Donkey."

"i think donky is gud witout u, no offens" ashol said.

"Now, that just hurts," forsooth Ozculus. "Killing myself with my own penis also hurt a lot. Speaking of which, I have the third artifact for you, from this corner of the earth."

then it fased into existenc.

asshola scremed and jumped bak! No! nut this! anyting but this! "GEt IT AWAYy" asdhola scremed mor.

it was punishment orb.

"It is yours now, yours to control," henceforthed the wizizzle ov ozzizle. "It can no longer do you any harm."

ashola took deep breaths. maiks sine ov tha inverted cros. prays 2 odin. is mor calmer.

"sory 4 acidently kiling u, dad" apologies. punishmnt orb rolls ovr 2 her, and with many fear, touchs it. it does not clos ovr her and trap her insied.

"It's all right. I needed to be put back in my place… I needed to stop trying to take over the world. And now I have come to help you stop someone else from doing the very same thing. Use this punishment orb wisely. Now… it is time for me to go. I am proud of you, Asshole. You have truly changed your ways, and I know that you'll keep working towards the greater good."

oziz faided into obliveon.

"fadder!" asol scremed. "cum back!"

oazole gaiv her a leetel waiv, and was gone 4ever.

asshole sits wit punishment orb, fild wit sorro.


	18. Chatter tha age ov consent!: deparchure

ashol bursts thru tha wall liek tha kool aid man. "KATATA! I HAV PUNIHMENT ORB!"

kata is sleppy. ashol thinks she luks so cutie waiking up and strats 2 blush. "wat"

"was givn 2 me by gost of chrimstas pasta" does not tell katat that tha gost was osia. "it is the THRID TOOL!"

"fuck yea!" katat excites. "now we can get out ov this awful fier plce."

"yeeet" azuhol celebration. "only 1 mor. then we wil b redy."

"wat culd tha last 1 possibly b" katat ponders.

"idk all ov these hav been pritty weird… a seal that is a seal, The Saw, an tha punishment orb that tormented my in my chidehod?" asshola opens tha punishment orb. fortunatly, ozid's decaying bodie is not insied. only sum burn marcs, and mayb cum. "gross" asshole comments. "mite hav to clen this tho"

asshole is distrot, aftar seeing her ded fadder and tha plaic where she acidently kild him. her excitement turns to sadnes.

"how was meeting wit zuk" katra asks.

"he is still a leetel shit. u r too gud for him. wy does evry1 ship u 2? i lack the understanding"

"i dont no, but aftar 2day… i am putting all this behind me. brudder, zuk, and aardvark. also, did u no there r sum wierdos who ship me wit ur ded fadder? liek? wat te hell?"

"thats jsut weird" ashol says and at mentin of fadder she trys nut 2 cry but does anyways. it is as if evry charactor has ben taiking crying pills in this writings. so much cri. (me, tha author, is crieing as i rite this. sory is jsut such a sad storie.)

but then katat holds her hand! asshol is filled with bitersweatness, feels luv 4 kata, mayb she lieks her bak. but do any1 ship her and katat? she is so woried that no, is no one who wnats them 2 be 2gether evn tho se feels such luv, only real romanstick luv in her lyf. who new it culd fel so gud but hert so much?

"u hav niec eyes" asshol says wit only three bees in her voic. it wuz tru, her buttiful eyes wer tha same colour as tha sun, if tha sun was blu and wasnt being poluted by those damm republicans. asshol relizes she is strating 2 lean in, but kata pulls hand away and movs bak. ashil strats 2 cri agan.

"uh, luk, we shuld leav now becaus idk if farquab will evn allow us 2 in tha mornig" kata sugestions.

azul wistles 4 doik. in an instant, he bursts thru door liek kool aid man's pet donky. "yuo called?" he smooths.

"we r leavign 4 erth kin" kata commandos.

donik blows down tha beeg glass widnow and tha grils clime on board. of they flie! odin in azzhul's pockit, Seventh Seel in kat's, wit The Saw and tha punishment orb put in top of bag ov infitit dimensins.

but tha deth dealrs see them! azuhl sighs, prepears 4 long fite. but odin maiks waiv ov erth that kils them fast. part ov palce crumbels.

donik flies into tha skie. it will b anudder long ride 2 erth kindom.


	19. Catass 19: caiv (imporntat cahpter)

"where in erth kindom?:" questins kata.

"we culd tri farquadd's castel, or plaic wher we met" azul logicians.

"we hav been lucky in findgn the corners so qwik" kata.

"so mayb frist plaic we go, that wil b it"

"possibility"

flieing ovr ocean, shores ov erth kindom r in the distanc. donik is getign very tried frum so much flieing but he is getting buff! mayb he will seduck anothr dragon or atleast another gy with a fier peniss.

azul relishs tha sea breas thru her hair, enjois lite touch of katata aganst her bak. is sad that kata is getign beter at balance, becaus no longer has to hold onto asshole.

tha land is reched. donik flys lower thru tha mountins and into clouds. in azzhul's pockit, odin teet strat 2 chatter frum cold. she pets tha onion and it meows onc.

"o shit" katat says. points 2 land belo.

it is blackend by so many deth dealrs! "dat not gud" aul agrees.

"donik go hiyer" kata viagras.

"no! odin is cold" constituents aszul.

"I apologize, O God of Wisdom and Battle. we shal go lowr, evn if it means fiting deth dealers" katat katits.

donik swoops low! deth delrs shot at them but donik avoids wit so much skil! azusl shots fier and raosts many minyins, katat freezes tha othrs usign her new watre bag. (asshole is so glad she lieks it!)

but then a deth dealr asends! he is flieing! "uh oh!" donek screches. all ov them lift off ground liek an army ov bees, mor bees than evn odin can put in her voic.

donik panicks and flys into a caiv, they wil b saif here. odin beans shut tha entrans and asshol maiks a torch.

many angery screms from outsied. tha deth dealrs pound at wal, tri 2 bean it wit thare feebel air powers, fail misrably. ashul assums odin has beaned a beeg slab frum mountin onto them becaus there is a loud crash and mor screming, this time in agonie, not angery.

"now wat" kata says. she is shook and it is cold in here 2. becaus it is saif 2 do so, asshol maiks a littel fier 4 her. (culd not maik fier 4 odin, becaus flieing n maintaining small flaim 4 heating purposes is dangerus. dont fierbean and flie, kids.)

"find udder end ov caiv? If is 1?" asol sugests.

"we're FUKED!" katat sads.

"odin led us here! we r in her hands so we wil b saif."

"that is fare enof" ktat lemmings.

tha walk begins. kata is so clos 2 flaim and so clos 2 azhul 4 warmth! but wy get her hops up. they wil onc mor b crushd. kata reciprocates her felings 1 moment, trets her liek shit tha next. wuld not b a helthy relation's hip patern anyway.

erth shaiks around them with hevy footsteps. asshol and kataa cling 2 ech other in fear. donik scrrems, loud and shrill.

"donik you hav, yuo hav, yu, have, you hav given away our locatin!" asshol scolds. is not stuttering becaus of scarie noises, but becaus katat is touhing her as a natral respons 2 fear! mayb thare IS trust betwixt them aftar all.

beeg badger mole cums arund corner! maiks loud foorsteps. dsonik goes fast past it deeper into caiv. asshol and kata hav no choic but 2 follo and snek past tha beeg boy.

they slide so very slow along tha walls, evn tho they r in mortal danger azul is hapy that kat is holdgn her hand! mole is still, liek it trying 2 hear them. without warning, smashes katat wit beeg paw!

" _NOOOOOOOOOOOO"_ azhul darth vaders! catchs katana and holds bridal stile whyle shoting fier frum her feet and riding over mole boy. they follo donike's screms 2 find him agan. they find him stuck behind rok, cannot move.

"littel help, odin?" donik say. "eh? eh? _eh?_ "

evry1 ignors him. ashol must save katata! "how r yu feling kata?" asks.

"mite hav dislocated shulder" says wit shrug ov said dislocated shulder. hole arm cums up ovr her hed! "say… hav i ben here b4"

"i wuldn't no, mayb it culd be tha concushin talkign, if u've got one of them bad boys"

it wus hard 2 kep holdign kata and keep tha fier going at tha saim tiem. but she did not evr wnat 2 let go. it was feeling ov bliss.

"is thare a way 2 maik fier but also help yu'or wunds?" azhola mcAsks.

'thare is" kata says wit much hesitate. "dis mite b it… oh god i dont wana do this"

"do wat"

"its not improtant, just lay me 2 rest and let my soul asend"

"but katata" ashol begins. gulps in anxious. "we still hav 2 get that 4th corner" who was she kidding she didnt giv a fuk abut that 4th corner if katat died. "i need u wit me, i cannoot let u die. katata, i luv you" azul confesses.

"well, i mean, your'e not THAT much ov an asshole" kata heartbreaks.

azul fels liek she has ben stabed. it is a pane wit depth she had thot unposible. asol opens bag of infiti diamondssons 2 git her coping food, tha Hostess (TM) prodicks.

"oh, fuck it" kata says. "u're relly not bad at all no more"

katana puls asshol on top of her and maiks long, pasinate kis. azul mones in stait ov euphoria, kat's leeps r evn softer than her powerful eye brows and them hair loops. thare tongs do not battel 4 dominance, insted is mor liek a ballroom dance, real romanstick. asshul is clos 2 katata in evry way, and she feels complete. becaus now she finly haz hapy.

caiv lites up arund tha 2 luvers. luk at buttiful site while azul stil holds kata, and katat is hold. then luk bak at ech other, both smieling rel beeg. thare is rel luv in them eys, them eys that r as blu as zuk's piss one tiem wen he ate a weird plant by acident, if those damn republicans stoped poluting the plants.

and in that moment, both ov them know what the last corner is, the last tool 2 defeat farquaab.

tha power of luv.

ashol maiks a small, tendre kis on kta's mouth onc mor, jsut 2 maik shure wat happend relly happend.

"i luv yu too, asshola" katat say.

"grosssss" donik says frum behind rock.

azul passes out frum 2 much happy.


	20. Cheek twenny: lesbean contrack

leav out of caiv frum other sied. tha power ov luv guids asshole and katata. azzhul is so hapy! keps thinking abut tha kis and how kataa said she luvs ashola! they r holdign hands and asshol fels so confidence. now, wit the Seventh Seal, The Saw, the punishmett orb, and the power of lov, they can finly defeet farquaddddd!

 _IT IS TIME,_ odin louds.

they r accept of their fat e. it is tiem.

farquab's castl is clos. maik beeg strides, all tha deth dealrs hav died becaus too many bees. they r saif 4 now.

then see it, is near tha swmap, and near jesuss's hous. ware they met agan 2 begin thare jurney. asshola wipes away a tear in fondnes. thay hav cum so far….. but will it be….. all 4 NUTTING?

"let us rest in hous" kaaat say. "we cannot go into battel so tried"

"gud plan" ahsol sayz. she knos wat happens wit 2 luvrs at nite! (they cuddel and luv ech other very djently, fall aslep in ech others' armors. sunds liek heven 2 asshola.)

goes into tha hous, katta taiks asshol 2 room ware ozi had fuked jesu, so lung ago. there r burn Marx on tha walls. thare is sum drieed come on blankettes. (why did fadder never clen up aftar himself? thare is stil leetel stain ov cum on donky's ass. ashula is still weeded out by that but 4 tha sake of tha brosum, dels wit it and donik's frekwent talk ov tha glorie ov ozni's lamppost ov desire.)

katata falls unconshis immeditely, as she is wont 2 do. azzhul is disapointed, not becaus no gets tha pussy, but becaus she wnated 2 maik slepy conversatiables wit katat wile they r both slepy becaus katt is so cuite whale slepy. asshol taiks in arms again and katat is hold. maiks smal kis on er, fels blest evn tho fearfull ov farquazle.

waik up in mouring, lite shinign on kata's peacful sleping featurs. ashole's eyes r soft wit luv and eye softening juic.

katass rols ovr, luks so tentive 2 rech ot 2 asshol but maiks words. "i am so sory 4 treting u liek u r still my enema."

"u r 4given" asshola is crieing agan. wy dus she hav so many feelings. "but we must uphold tha sacred laws ov lesbean contract. first, tha harmonie in our relatin'ship, assumign we hav entred 1, is held 2 higher standard than strait peopl."

"ok got it"

"2, neider ov us is 'tha man'. neither of us got balls or dick unles yu'ore hiding sumthign down there. if in refrence 2 BDSM alinement, it is unfornate that both ov us r dominatrizxes. so idk how that wil work."

"ye"

"3, wen u et tha pussy, u must put ur whole sole into it, and also fingeres. simultanus fingring is gud."

"is a gud tiem"

"4, and lastly, 1 of us haz 2 cut their hare. i wil do it becaus i luv your hare to much, i luv it cascadaing down ur bak, i luv them littel hair loops. and eye brows" azul maiks a sex nois jsut lookign at thos eye brows, thinking abut them.

"youor hair is alredy fuked up frum bag of infit dimensins" katata wihfsodhfs.

it was tru. asul's hair had ben singed off on one sied wile geting katata's infinit wattere bag as a gift. tha burning had ben a result ov an incident involvign a clown, a garag door, and tha 12-heded son ov satan.

ashul produces a scirsor frum bag ov inifit dimensinas. cuts off rest ov hair. is alsmost as bald as aanemiaa, but haz no arow. ashul does not understand tha arro. wy dus he ned it? is it sauce of his power? does it incres sexul apeal 2 tha wild mongoose? does it biochemistry? SWEDEN?

'why he hav arro" azusl maiks asking.

"was born wit it, liek me hair loops. now i wuld rather go fite farquab than talk abut that mudderfukker. tha tiem haz cum"

"but wat if die?" ashul haz 1 beeg ragrat she wnats 2 lay 2 rest. is not zuk. is not mudder who nevr luved her. is not clening fadder's cum stanes or acidently killing him insied punishment orb.

is she is not spend enouf tiem with katatta.

"The God of Wisdom and Battle is on our sied" katat magics. "we canot fale"

leav 4 castel.


	21. Chi age ov LEGAL ALCOHOLES!: BEEG BATTEL

tha unstopable 4-sum faic tha castel. many deth dealers patroll arund it, they r singing a mightie marching song.

"הבה נגילה  
הבה נגילה  
הבה נגילה ונשמחה

הבה נרננה  
הבה נרננה  
הבה נרננה ונשמחה

!עורו, עורו אחים  
עורו אחים בלב שמח  
עורו אחים בלב שמח  
עורו אחים בלב שמח

!עורו אחים, עורו אחים  
 _בלב שמח "_

a shiver of fear runs down tha spien of asshole. but than a shiver of FIER runs ot ov the fingres of asshul!

wit a yeall that culd maik a man piss his pants, tha unstopable 4-sum charges forward! asshol taiks left sied, kataa, rite. asshol roasts them wellcome and katata pulls tha watre frum bag ov inifit water! frezes and drowns them. donik flies high abov them and blows mightie gustos ov wind 2 knock over minyins whale odin, frum asshol's pockit, catapulls them thru tha air with big pilars ov rock from tha grund!

tha deth delers r helpless. sum ov them can bean, but it is futil! 4 tha power of luv haz galvanized kta and asul, they r fiting 2 end this so they can b 2gether in piece (not pieces! oh no!)

donik and odin hold of remianing deth delrs whale katata and asul retireve The Saw. evn odin cannot dislodge castl by herself. but The mightie Saw, gifted by Final Pam, Keeper of The Saw, is a wepoon of invulnerability. tha 2 luvrs heave The Saw thru tha wall of castel and push wit all their strength! slowly but shurely, The Saw maiks cut in wall.

by tha tiem hole is beeg enoff 4 al of them, tha deth delrs r retreting bak into castel. rush thru wall. katat pets tha scared Seventh Seel as scans hallway. beeeeeeg castel, baners and tapisstries evryware, dimly lit becaus mayb farquab is a vampir.

"i hop he is actully here" katat says. "it wuld b awkward 2 maik same mistake agan liek did wit fier nati!"

"heh, heh" azhuls. "lol we relly foold u gys."

katat grones. "mayb he is not a cow ward liek ur FADDER"

"hey dude my fadder was fearles how many peopl u kno wuld fukk a donky?"

"that is stupidnes not bravry"

"it was PLESRABLE" donik PSATs.

"donik enoff abut gettign that 'sweat fier lrob dik'"

":(" doniks.

unstopable 4-sum run arund castel, killing deth delers wen need 2. tha minyins r all so stupid but they kno, farquab wil b quiet tha battel.

get into strang area ov castel. gingerbred men r dying by tha thousands, consumption in fier. wolf in nite gown is being tortured wit a scalpel. long nose boy (pincocko) being hacked 2 pieces.

also is peopl frum univers ov azul and kata. guru dude is meditating while being boild in oil, he sems chil wit it. foam guy is maiking mor foam, 4 'sience porpoises.' and cabbage gy, of coarse, he is lockd to table and forcd to see cabbags detroyd. he screms a lot.

"we r gettign closr" dinik informations.

door at end ov hall is fancie. luks scaire, has pictur ov forqauga's uglie but not cool uglie faic (liek Final Pam).

donik hufs and pufs and blows door down. (he haz learnd tha basils ov airbeaning b4 cuming thru bag of infity dimensins, learend them frum tha wolf frum tha three littel pigs.)

insied is farquab, he is laff and etting ginger bred aliv and siting on fier throne. (asul now relizes how evil it luks 2 sit in flam thrown. she wuld hav ben so bad ass if she had got to be tha fierlorb 4 mor than liek a few hours. wy must zuk taik tha glorie. that littel shit.)

tha unstopable 4 sum faics him. expects him 2 maik a big speech b4 launching into tha fite (becaus lots ov vilans do that). but farquab is not 1 ov them. imeditely, shots fier at them!

katat meats him wit watre. odin maiks beam ov erth, slams farquab's hed into seeling!

"oh no my noggin"

donik traps him agans ceiling wit air, then kata frezes him! asshul puts tha punishmnt orb rite under him and melts ice! he falls rite into it!

punishment orb shuts. 4 a moment, moves liek a pokeball wen caught pokemon is trying 2 escape. then it bursts open!

hellfier is in eys ov farquab! "u thot u culd beet me with a simpel ORB?" he neciseitas.

"uh r we supposd 2 kil him" katat wispers into asshol's er.

"dont b a pussy liek ur ex!' asshule says, and throws The Saw rite at farquadd!

It cuts him rite in haff!

donik and asshole hi five. farquabs's haffs r still riggling and trieing 2 bean fier, is mor easily defended. asshole puts him in tha orb!

it stays shut this tiem. donik lifts orb into tha bag ov infit dimensians, castel dissolbs all arund them and gits puld into bag alung wit tha deth dealers. 


	22. Chimes doubel 2s: finly haz happy

onc all the bad gys r insied, and tha expurienc is ovr, katata djently plaics the Seventh Seal ovr top of bag. asshula cries becaus she 4got 2 taik out all the Hostess (TM) prodicts.

but she didnt need Hostess (TM) wen she had katata.

"we did it" katata say. faic each udder and hold hands, stare soulfly into each othe's eyes agan. kataat's eyes r a buttiful blu, tha saim colour as kiddie toilet asul had used 4 pottie traing, if those dam republicans hadnt ben pollutign it. (zuk had gone thru republican stage as a child, also lieked 2 shit in her toilet. but he grew out ov tha fase, thank Odin.)

"so our mision is ovr… does that mean we go seprate ways" asshole worried.

"i will stay wit u, asshola" katat pledge. "u hav character developmented so much"

asshol canot do anythgn except cry in happie. maik a long kis in middle ov formr castel. the gingrbred men offr themselfs up to their savers, becaus wnat 2 maik thare breth smel gud 4 ech other. foaming muth gy foams mor. "how romanstick" pincocko says, and nose does not gro. cabbage gy taiks brake frum crying ovr deceased cabages 2 b happy 4 tha yung cuple.

"i luv u katita" ashol maiks say.

"i am also luv you asshole" katat crys wit joy.

but in middel of roman moment, asshol feels strang thumping agans pockit, where Odin is.

watch in awe as odin lifts out ov pockit! transformation is happen! weird lite shotting frum onyin as it gros biggr! azul gasps at who it!

it iro!

"It feels great to be back to my natural element!" spake He while dramaly shotting lightning frum fingres. (evry1 in family is extra). "I've had enough of playing with mud." maiks kindharted laff He is so known 4. evry1 luvs Him imeditely evn tho it is weird that He was an onyin.

" _WAAAAAATTTTTTT?"_ ashole shreks. is even weirdr than finfing ot that fadder was gost of crtismas pasta! "U WERE ODIN _THA WHOLE TIEM?"  
_  
"Yes, I was cursed by the ghost of Christmas past to become a shallot," saith He.

"U WERENT EVEN AN ONION? MY WHOLE LIFE IS LIE DAD U ABSOLUTE DIKK"

"mmm yeah that dik" donik say.

"DONIK SHUDDUP ABUT FIER PENIS""

"Well, it's been a pleasant year traveling with you. I think you'll be just fine without me, now that you have this lovely lady with you. Now, I have to be on my way. Zuko needs help getting his shit together."

wit that, iro is fly thru air, bidding them fair well. wen did He lern 2 fly? who knos. but He is magical.

donik watchs Him go into stratosphere, littel twinkel as He disappears into tha sky. then, wit sadnes, emes, "luk, i ot 2 go bak 2 my homeland also. i must protec it frum tha remnants ov farqab's armie. and i hav 2 get ovr ozuiai. best way 2 do that is continu fukking my dragon wife (who also has fier gentitals!) i wish u tha best. asshol, u r always my bro."

"bro" azul bros sadly.

"bro" donik bros bak. taiks tha Seventh Seal off bag ov infinit dimensins 4 jsut long enoff 2 slip insied and dispear. "cum visit me somtiems. i wuld luv 2 introduck u 2 whole squad"

"i wil" asul says wile wiping away a tear. "goodbye bro"

"goodbye bro"

and then it is jsut katatta and azul.

"so now wat" katat maiks say.

"now we can settel down sumwhere. i am sik ov travel and sik ov hiding. i wnat 2 live on quiet leetel farm wit u. we wil by sum animals, and plant sum crops that r not cocain plants. we wil liv modesty, sel products, hav roman lyf 2gether. and" strats timid. "maik sweat, sweat luv?"

"fuq yeah! jsut try not 2 nut fier on me" katatat ensthuses.

"can;t promise" ;)s asul.

wlak off into sunset holdign hands.

-FIN-


End file.
